Sometimes you just can't.

I've tried to get away from using the word "can't". Especially at the gym. Usually when I do, I get pushed and pushed until I show myself that I really CAN, if I just focus and relax. There are some days, however, when you physically just can't. Today was that day for me. 

This morning I was supposed to run 7 miles. I ran 5. Mentally I told myself I couldn't go any farther, my knees hurt, my back was sore, etc., etc. In reality, I probably could have done the 7. If I had given myself a little push. All I ended up with though was some guilt, so I ran another 1 mile at lunch. And it was a fast one. I always end up getting in my own way.

This afternoon, however, I was doing a quick arms/weights workout. 10lb weights on each end of a barbel. It hurt. A LOT. Military presses, bicep curls, front row, hinged row, and front raises. They hurt like a bugger. But I got through them. Then it happened - I was propped up with my shoulders on a bosu ball, in a bridge position, doing chest presses with that same barbel. Next move gets called out - lowering the barbel behind your head almost to the floor, and then pulling it back up so your arms are straight up and down. I couldn't do it. I couldn't. My arms, not being used to such a heavy weight, and after having done so much at that weight already, simply did not have the strength to lift that weight back up over my head. So I got angry. I kept trying and trying. But no matter how much I focused, how much I concentrated on breathing and isolating those muscles, that barbel was not coming up off the floor. 

I did not feel like I had failed. Which is a huge improvement for me. I will be able to lift that barbel. Maybe I couldn't today, and maybe I won't be able to on Thursday. But I will, eventually. It becomes these small goals, challenges and triumphs that help push me forward. The Amanda of 2 years ago, or heck, 1 year ago, would not have been able to complete half of what I did today. THAT is a triumph. 

So watch out 20lb barbel. I'm coming for you.

Eventually.