Being Happy

This summer has been full of firsts. Starting grad school, moving in with my boyfriend, my longest race. And as the summer ends and we move into fall it is nice to know that no matter how many daily or weekly struggles pop up, things are good, and I am blessed.

The scale and I have not been friends lately. It is discouraging but also I have found myself to be less bothered by the numbers than I used to be. That number shouldn't, doesn't, won't define me. I maintain a healthy diet, work out for 30-60 minutes 5 days a week, plus walking to and from work everyday. I have nothing to be ashamed of, no reason to feel like a failure.

As those of you who know me can attest to, I stress and worry about EVERYTHING, to a ridiculous level. Some very special people who are close to me have been helping me to calm down, to not get so caught up in things that are out of my control. I am still a very worrisome person, but I am starting to see small changes, including in how I deal with the number on the scale in the morning.

Am I happy that I'm still at 190lbs and not at 185? Not really. But I'm not 200, or 225, or 265. So that is something to be grateful for. My only hope is that as I continue to maintain healthy habits and set new goals for myself, that the last 30lbs I wanted to lose will come off.

For now I am going to continue being happy and enjoy my new healthy life.

Happy September! :)

short and dirty

For a long laundry list of reasons I had fast food for a late lunch/early dinner today.


Was seriously craving grease and salt, and there was surprisingly no guilt involved. Afterwards though, I felt sick and gross.


Part of me was okay with this, because that means my body has adjusted to not having that stuff in my system. (Not that I ever ate a ton of fast food before). In the old days if I wanted to binge I went straight for pure carbs (think a whole loaf of bread or a bunch of bagels) and not fast food.

It definitely took care of my craving, but I'm not sure the end result was worth it. Still proud of myself for the lack of guilt about it, we will see what tomorrow brings since with everything going on I know I will not get in my usual amount of gym time.

Life happens, and I am not perfect. Sometimes I eat unhealthy things.

Managing Stress

I have noticed that when I have small gains, or longer than a week plateaus, it usually correlates to something stressful going on in my life. As a person, I worry a lot. A LOT. About everything. And generally take on way more stress than I need to. But that is MY personality. 

I am currently wrapping up my first semester of grad school! I am still working full time, going to the gym and also preparing for my boyfriend and I to move in together. So, I would say that I have been relatively stressed. I keep telling myself I won't let it affect my weight loss. Which it always does. 

I've gained about 4 pounds in the last week or so. That's the most I've gained in 3 months. It is disheartening to see on the scale, but I am trying to be confident that it is just a minor blip, and that things will be back on track soon.

Stress and emotional eating have always been my achilles heel. I lose all motivation and willpower when I am sad, stressed, or upset. And I end up eating weird things, like oatmeal raisin cookies and pickles for dinner (Authors Note: Don't do this. BAD idea).

It is really hard to talk about "failures" (and yes, to me a 4lb gain is a failure). But I am hoping that by putting this out there - I can help myself remember that it is not the end of the world if I have a bad week, and that I will still get where I want to be. Also, I am hoping it could help some of you, if you have experiences or are experiencing something similar.

This journey is not a sprint, its a marathon. Focus and patience and pace. That is going to be the mantra for the next few weeks. 

Check In

Hello Blog-osphere!

In an effort to not abandon my blog again, I am making an effort to at least check in. I am in another tricky spot- hovering around another 10lb marker. This seems to be a consistent problem with me. I've been doing great the last few weeks, down about 9lbs. Then for the last 2 weeks I have seemed to stall. I am hovering between 189 and 193 and I cant seem to push down into the 180's. 

I am trying not to get discouraged, but  I wonder if I have some sort of mental block that causes me to hesitate crossing that line. I had the same problem when I was bouncing between 199 and 202 for months. I am hoping that another week of focus and pushing hard will get me over this block.

I am really enjoying the new workout program we came up with. I started to do a bootcamp style class (we call it HELL CAMP) a few weeks ago and I think it has been great for me. It is a lot of cardio mixed with body weight exercises done in a pyramid style. It definitely KICKS MY BUTT. Maybe in my next post I will go into more detail describing what we do (for those of you who dare try it on your own!)

Running still sucks. I have been trying to stay consistent with the long runs, but with the humidity and a growing pile of school work, it is hard to find the motivation. 

Going shopping for new shorts tomorrow - none of the ones I bought last summer fit. I'm using safety pins to keep them up for now. But I figured 1 or 2 new pairs in a nice smaller size couldn't hurt.

Have a great weekend and thanks for reading!

Rough week

Just going to do a short post tonight. I know it is only Monday, but I am really feeling a lack of motivation this week. I know I need to get my workouts in to keep up the progress I've been making, however, with the load of school work I have currently, plus my job, I'm feeling extra exhausted and blah. Which makes getting in good workouts difficult. My usual levels of excitement and intensity just aren't there. Which worries me because this week my appetite is here in abundance. Every thing looks tasty, and that paired with less than stellar workouts could spell trouble. 

Certain people close to me are worried I obsess too much over the scale. And sometimes I agree. But I find that the daily weigh ins - viewed as a weekly picture - give me a better idea of my fluctuations and where I stand. 

Here's hoping that I can push through this funk and still have a good week. I have Wednesday off and then the holiday weekend coming up, so I know a couple days of hard workouts will be good for me.

To those of you reading - what are some tips or tricks you use to get motivated on your "blah" days??

Sometimes you just can't.

I've tried to get away from using the word "can't". Especially at the gym. Usually when I do, I get pushed and pushed until I show myself that I really CAN, if I just focus and relax. There are some days, however, when you physically just can't. Today was that day for me. 

This morning I was supposed to run 7 miles. I ran 5. Mentally I told myself I couldn't go any farther, my knees hurt, my back was sore, etc., etc. In reality, I probably could have done the 7. If I had given myself a little push. All I ended up with though was some guilt, so I ran another 1 mile at lunch. And it was a fast one. I always end up getting in my own way.

This afternoon, however, I was doing a quick arms/weights workout. 10lb weights on each end of a barbel. It hurt. A LOT. Military presses, bicep curls, front row, hinged row, and front raises. They hurt like a bugger. But I got through them. Then it happened - I was propped up with my shoulders on a bosu ball, in a bridge position, doing chest presses with that same barbel. Next move gets called out - lowering the barbel behind your head almost to the floor, and then pulling it back up so your arms are straight up and down. I couldn't do it. I couldn't. My arms, not being used to such a heavy weight, and after having done so much at that weight already, simply did not have the strength to lift that weight back up over my head. So I got angry. I kept trying and trying. But no matter how much I focused, how much I concentrated on breathing and isolating those muscles, that barbel was not coming up off the floor. 

I did not feel like I had failed. Which is a huge improvement for me. I will be able to lift that barbel. Maybe I couldn't today, and maybe I won't be able to on Thursday. But I will, eventually. It becomes these small goals, challenges and triumphs that help push me forward. The Amanda of 2 years ago, or heck, 1 year ago, would not have been able to complete half of what I did today. THAT is a triumph. 

So watch out 20lb barbel. I'm coming for you.

Eventually.

Hurdles, Plateaus and Roadblocks

The worst feeling in the world when you are trying to lose weight is to be pushing yourself as hard as you can, and to have the numbers on the scale stay the same week after week. Everyone will tell you over and over again that it isn't the number on the scale that's important, it is how you feel, how your clothes fit, etc. Those are all true statements, but it still hurts at the deepest level to be putting in hard work and sweat and to see the same number, no matter how energized or motivated you may feel. 

I, especially, am guilty of getting hung up on numbers. And over the last 2 years there have been 3 occasions where I have really let the plateau kill my motivation to push further. Those are the times that I had long stretches of no loss, but no gains. So, I guess the positive is that I was at least able to maintain where I was at, if unable (or struggling) to push further. Eventually I would get SO frustrated with the stagnancy that I would look for something new to do to try to get my body back on track for where I wanted to be.

I am very lucky, as I have mentioned before, that my job has a fitness center on site, and that one of my very good friends, Jess,  not only works there, but also helps "train" with me. When I have reached the point where I am so frustrated with being stuck and ready to try something new, she is ready to give me a new plan, something harder and crazier, in order to switch things up on my body and get the weight-loss ball rolling again.

The most recent plateau was especially difficult. Throughout the spring I was trying to prepare for the Broad Street 10 mile run. I was doing a lot of running and strength training, and I was hoping that would work to get my numbers dropping again. I didn't see a whole lot of change though, which became frustrating. After the race, I took a week to just let my body recover and during that week, I made a plan with Jess for a new program that could push my body harder and hopefully give it that jolt it needed.

We did a big revamp to the types of workouts I was doing, and also when I was doing them. We also took a look at my food journal and realized I still was not eating enough calories for how hard and often I was exercising. A few modifications were made there also. Over the last 7 weeks since we put this plan into effect, I am down 11 pounds! It has been really exciting to see the numbers dropping again, and I am also seeing a change in how my clothes are fitting (most of them don't!).

What I recommend to those of you who are facing a hurdle or plateau is to not hold yourself back mentally  - you are not a failure or unable to get where you want to go - the weight loss journey is like life. There are going to be little speed bumps along the way. No ones life is perfect, and whether it is work issues, family issues, or other random events, things happen that will also effect weight loss. What has worked for me is giving myself a day, or a week, where I let myself maybe not push as hard, or feel a little down. The key is to remember how hard you have worked to get where you are right now, and know you can keep pushing. Try making a motivational post-it or index card and keeping it n your wallet, on the fridge, or on your nightstand - seeing your own words of knowing you can succeed can be a powerful motivator.

That's all I've got to throw out for now... but as always, thanks for reading. :)

So Where Have I Been?

A lot has happened since last September. 

October brought Halloween and the Hatboro YMCA Skeleton Skurry 5K - I had my fastest 5k time yet: 31:46!

Almost to the finish line!

Then it was holiday time and I found myself not losing much weight, but still maintaining my loss. Winter was really tough this year. I was starting to get bummed out that I was plateaued again. I was still going to the gym regularly, and watching what I ate, but the pounds were just not coming off.

Then, in January - I did something kind of crazy.  I was strongly encouraged to sign up for the Broad Street 10 Mile Race. So in January I registered, and wondered what the heck I had gotten myself in to.


The Broad Street Run is a 10 mile road race through the city of Philadelphia, held the first weekend of May each year. So from January to May I did a lot of running. A LOT. I wasn't sure I would actually be able to go through with it, and there were many days I just wanted to give up and sell my registration on Craigs List!


I did not give up, however. I pushed and pushed and had lots of support from friends and family, and on May 2, 2011 - I FINISHED the Broad Street Run! 

Luckily my boyfriend, Russ, followed me via subway down the race route, and got a few action shots of me along the way:

At Walnut St. - the 6 mile mark.

There I go just coming up to the finish line! Final time was 2:10:00. I'll take it!

That was a quick and dirty recap of the last couple of months, and now that I'm back in the blogging saddle I will pick up with my next post on getting over hurdles and plateaus by switching things up!

As always, thanks for reading! And remember - comments/questions/feedback are always appreciated!

70lbs GONE!!

This week was a pretty big milestone in my weight-loss journey. I finally crossed the 70lbs lost mark! The last 20lbs from August to now has been rough, to say the least. The weight is not coming off as easily, which means more frequent modifications to my workouts and eating habits. 

Here are a few photos from the big day! 

 Yes, this one I took in a changing room. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do!

At the gym - celebrating!

Next post will be a more detailed update of what exactly has been going on over the last 10 months. Get excited! :)

Updates After a Long Absence

I know, I know, it has been WAY too long since I have posted here.

Many of you have asked me to start back up again, and I am going to listen!

Watch in the next few days for new posts, pictures and updates on my journey.

As always, thanks for reading!