Running. In all honesty, I was convinced that I would never be a runner. Unless I was placed in some life threatening situation, where running was my only chance of survival, that is. Oh, how wrong I was.
In February, I had been dealing with a plateau of sorts, having had a consistent workout plan that I had been following since the holidays. I distinctly remember that cold day when I went in to the gym to work out and Jess stopped me and said, "Today I want you to run". I told her it was not possible. I, Amanda Bailey, was not capable of running. She didn't care. So onto that blasted treadmill I climbed, and while I walked to warm up she explained to me some of the basics about form, breathing, and how we were going to turn me into a runner.
I started with intervals. Walk for X number of minutes, jog for X number of minutes, push hard and try and run for a few minutes. We worked on various running programs, interval runs, tempo runs and hybrid runs mostly to start. Tempo runs were the hardest to start. Running at the same speed for longer periods of time, without the changing of speeds to distract you.
A few weeks later Jess and Erin told me about a VA Sponsored 5K that was happening at the end of April, and how I was going to run in it. Obviously I still doubted my skills and myself in general, and told them that they were crazy to think that I could run a 5k barely 2 months after running for the first time in my life. How wrong I was. I ran 2-3 times a week, along with my other workouts of step aerobics, spinning and strength training. And on April 22, I ran my first 5k in 33:34. Beating the goal I had set for myself of 35 minutes.
I eased off the running after that. I still am not the biggest fan of running. I get bored and need more distraction than my music can provide. I can vouch for the effectiveness of it, however. The weight was not coming off as quickly as it did while I was running multiple times a week and training for the race.
So, last weekend I registered for my 2nd 5k, a Halloween race! It is here in Hatboro, which is great for me, since I will be familiar with the route. I would like to say that my goal is 30 minutes, but I am going to err on the side of caution on this one and say now that I will complete the Skeleton Skurry in under 32 minutes.This also means I am going to be getting back to running multiple days a week, and this should also help me with the current plateau I've been dealing with.
I am hoping that I will become a fan of running, or at least dread it less. Its hard on my hips and knees, and my body is still adjusting to these new motions I am putting it through. But the feeling I get after finishing a long run, in a good time, is unlike any other. It feels really, really good.
That brings me to the end of my story of how I started running. I tend to stick to the treadmill, since it helps keep my feet moving when I otherwise would slow down or stop. I have, on various occasions, gone for runs around Hatboro and my neighborhood, and down on Kelly Drive in Philly. They are very different experiences and I know that running outside is something I need to continue to help me in training for races. Who knows, maybe next summer I'll be doing a 10k!
As always, thanks for reading! :)
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Speedbumps
It has been a few weeks since my last post, but there have been lots of things going on here. First off we had my birthday, which was smashing, and probably my best birthday yet. :) Thanks to everyone who helped make it that way! Then last Tuesday I tripped up the stairs and smashed my kneecap pretty badly. It was swollen and sore for the week, so of course I stayed off of it, which meant staying out of the gym. I went 11 days without setting foot in a gym, and it was definitely the hardest thing I've done in recent memory. The realization of how dependent I have become on the fitness center really hit me after a few days away.
So now its Wednesday September 1st. A new month and halfway through my first week back at the gym. Since there have been a number of speedbumps thrown out me in the last few weeks, I thought it would make a good blog topic.
I've been fairly lucky in the fact that I am incredibly clumsy, and this is the first "injury" I've had since I began working out with fervor. I wasn't entirely prepared to modify my lifestyle to accomodate for the injury. Meaning, I kept eating my usual diet without taking into consideration the lack of movement. I definitely felt more sluggish, and should have kept a closer eye on what I was putting in my mouth.
I only re-gained 2 pounds, which obviously was not the direction I wanted to see the scale move. However, given how many times I ate out, and all the birthday related goodies that were consumed, I will not gripe over 2 pounds.
I think that in the long run the week away from the gym was a good thing. I came back this week with a new intensity, and a major bonfire under my butt. Today I ran my fastest yet, 2 miles in under 20 minutes. When I started on the treadmill it felt so awkward and I was miserable. I was barely a half mile in to my run and I was ready to quit. How did I get through it and last for 2 miles? Mind games. I was running at a 5.6mph pace and said to myself if I could make it to the mile mark I would let myself stop. When I got to the half mile mark, I was feeling a little stronger, and thought if I bumped my speed I could reach the mile mark faster. So I did. I bumped to a 5.8, then a 6.0 and finally a 6.4. I had never lasted more than a tenth of a mile at that speed. So I said to myself, do it for a tenth and stop. And I didn't stop. I kept saying "just one more tenth, you can do one more tenth" until I was at 1.5 miles done and was feeling on top of the world. So much so that I wanted to keep bumping my speed up until I hit 2 miles. I am SO glad I didn't give up, and now I have one more moment to keep in my mind as motivation when I think I can't do any more.
As many of you know, I have a horrible guilt complex, and frequently associate guilt with my eating. I am trying my hardest to NOT focus on the last few weeks, because the past is in the past, and I can't change it now. All I can do is recognize what led me to the decisions I made, and acknowledge that I know how to avoid those decisions in the future. It is easier said than done, but I have the tools to make it stick. That is what I remind myself every day.
Weight loss is a battle, a war, a struggle, a never-ending, uphill-in-the-snow-both-ways trek. But when you can accept that you have the power and the tools to make small changes each day, soon you will feel like you are Xena, Buffy, Wonder Woman and the pink power ranger all rolled into one, ready and armed to fight that battle another day.
Enough sounding like a crazy preacher for today. By putting those self-motivational thoughts down on virtual paper, I hope that they can become a mantra, something to turn to when I don't feel like I can go on another day. And hopefully for some of you reading this, it will do the same for you.
If you have questions or comments for me about any of these issues, please feel free to leave them, or to email/facebook me, I'm not a professional but a friend recently reminded me that its easiest to talk about these issues with people who have been there, and who understand where you are coming from.
As always, thanks for stopping by and thanks for reading!
So now its Wednesday September 1st. A new month and halfway through my first week back at the gym. Since there have been a number of speedbumps thrown out me in the last few weeks, I thought it would make a good blog topic.
I've been fairly lucky in the fact that I am incredibly clumsy, and this is the first "injury" I've had since I began working out with fervor. I wasn't entirely prepared to modify my lifestyle to accomodate for the injury. Meaning, I kept eating my usual diet without taking into consideration the lack of movement. I definitely felt more sluggish, and should have kept a closer eye on what I was putting in my mouth.
I only re-gained 2 pounds, which obviously was not the direction I wanted to see the scale move. However, given how many times I ate out, and all the birthday related goodies that were consumed, I will not gripe over 2 pounds.
I think that in the long run the week away from the gym was a good thing. I came back this week with a new intensity, and a major bonfire under my butt. Today I ran my fastest yet, 2 miles in under 20 minutes. When I started on the treadmill it felt so awkward and I was miserable. I was barely a half mile in to my run and I was ready to quit. How did I get through it and last for 2 miles? Mind games. I was running at a 5.6mph pace and said to myself if I could make it to the mile mark I would let myself stop. When I got to the half mile mark, I was feeling a little stronger, and thought if I bumped my speed I could reach the mile mark faster. So I did. I bumped to a 5.8, then a 6.0 and finally a 6.4. I had never lasted more than a tenth of a mile at that speed. So I said to myself, do it for a tenth and stop. And I didn't stop. I kept saying "just one more tenth, you can do one more tenth" until I was at 1.5 miles done and was feeling on top of the world. So much so that I wanted to keep bumping my speed up until I hit 2 miles. I am SO glad I didn't give up, and now I have one more moment to keep in my mind as motivation when I think I can't do any more.
As many of you know, I have a horrible guilt complex, and frequently associate guilt with my eating. I am trying my hardest to NOT focus on the last few weeks, because the past is in the past, and I can't change it now. All I can do is recognize what led me to the decisions I made, and acknowledge that I know how to avoid those decisions in the future. It is easier said than done, but I have the tools to make it stick. That is what I remind myself every day.
Weight loss is a battle, a war, a struggle, a never-ending, uphill-in-the-snow-both-ways trek. But when you can accept that you have the power and the tools to make small changes each day, soon you will feel like you are Xena, Buffy, Wonder Woman and the pink power ranger all rolled into one, ready and armed to fight that battle another day.
Enough sounding like a crazy preacher for today. By putting those self-motivational thoughts down on virtual paper, I hope that they can become a mantra, something to turn to when I don't feel like I can go on another day. And hopefully for some of you reading this, it will do the same for you.
If you have questions or comments for me about any of these issues, please feel free to leave them, or to email/facebook me, I'm not a professional but a friend recently reminded me that its easiest to talk about these issues with people who have been there, and who understand where you are coming from.
As always, thanks for stopping by and thanks for reading!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Birthday Photo Shoot - Biggest Loser Style
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| The biggest pair of pants from my past. They are 6 sizes bigger than what I am wearing currently. (The overly wide leg makes them look bigger than they really are, sort of) |
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| This is me wearing my bridesmaids dress from the wedding from August 2009. It is also 6 sizes too big now. I could put it on over my new dress with plenty of room to spare! |
Taking on the Future
Now that my birthday has officially come and gone, it is really sinking in how far I have come in the last year. It still feels weird to talk about going to the gym, given my past avoidance of all things related to exercise!
My current "program" that I follow is pretty basic. I use the Barnes and Noble DietMinder Food and Fitness Journal to track my calories and workouts. I've been using it since February, at the recommendation of one of my best friends. I have tried various free websites that allow you to keep a food journal online, but I feel more in control and just better overall doing it the old fashioned way with a pen or pencil. I go to the gym every day during the week, and try to work out at least 1 day on the weekend, giving myself 1 day off. Sometimes, of course, things happen and I don't do full workouts on the weekends. But most of the time I try.
Over the last year my workout routine has changed a few times. When I first joined the gym I only used the recumbent bike. After a few months I talked with Jess (one of the Fitness Specialists at the gym) and she got me set up to use some of the weight training machines. After a few months I switched to the elliptical and started going to the Dance Fusion group exercise class. By Christmas I was taking Step Interval classes and doing more workouts with the girls at the gym for strength training.
In February, I came in to work out and Jess said to me, "Today you are going to run". And she stuck me on a treadmill and I ran. It was awful at first. AWFUL. I will do a separate post about running and how I got started, but for this post we will leave it at that. It is still not my favorite thing to do, but its the best workout and I know it works.
Here is a rundown of my current program I follow during the week....
Mondays - 45 minute Step Interval class with weights, sometimes a run after work
Tuesday - 45 minutes Sets and Reps Strength training class, run
Wednesdays - either 30 or 45 min spin class or run, depending and 30 mins yoga
Thursdays- leg/core focus for 30 mins, 30 min step class
Fridays - 30 min kickboxing, 20 min core class or 30 mins of core/arm work
Saturday - run
Sunday - yoga
Like anything, my program isn't set in stone, but its the basic program I'm following. Some days I don't run, sometimes I go to the gym 3 times a day instead of 1. It really depends on the day, but I try to stay consistent. Now that I'm past the halfway mark to my goal, we've been talking about upping the strength training to work on my flabby skin and getting things toned up. So I'm sure this will change what I do slightly.
Next time I will focus more on the "diet" portion of my life now, and how that has changed pretty drastically from how I used to feel about eating. I definitely don't feel like I'm on a diet, which is something I'm still adjusting to as the weight continues to come off.
Hope all my readers had a great weekend, and as always, thanks for taking the time to read! :)
My current "program" that I follow is pretty basic. I use the Barnes and Noble DietMinder Food and Fitness Journal to track my calories and workouts. I've been using it since February, at the recommendation of one of my best friends. I have tried various free websites that allow you to keep a food journal online, but I feel more in control and just better overall doing it the old fashioned way with a pen or pencil. I go to the gym every day during the week, and try to work out at least 1 day on the weekend, giving myself 1 day off. Sometimes, of course, things happen and I don't do full workouts on the weekends. But most of the time I try.
Over the last year my workout routine has changed a few times. When I first joined the gym I only used the recumbent bike. After a few months I talked with Jess (one of the Fitness Specialists at the gym) and she got me set up to use some of the weight training machines. After a few months I switched to the elliptical and started going to the Dance Fusion group exercise class. By Christmas I was taking Step Interval classes and doing more workouts with the girls at the gym for strength training.
In February, I came in to work out and Jess said to me, "Today you are going to run". And she stuck me on a treadmill and I ran. It was awful at first. AWFUL. I will do a separate post about running and how I got started, but for this post we will leave it at that. It is still not my favorite thing to do, but its the best workout and I know it works.
Here is a rundown of my current program I follow during the week....
Mondays - 45 minute Step Interval class with weights, sometimes a run after work
Tuesday - 45 minutes Sets and Reps Strength training class, run
Wednesdays - either 30 or 45 min spin class or run, depending and 30 mins yoga
Thursdays- leg/core focus for 30 mins, 30 min step class
Fridays - 30 min kickboxing, 20 min core class or 30 mins of core/arm work
Saturday - run
Sunday - yoga
Like anything, my program isn't set in stone, but its the basic program I'm following. Some days I don't run, sometimes I go to the gym 3 times a day instead of 1. It really depends on the day, but I try to stay consistent. Now that I'm past the halfway mark to my goal, we've been talking about upping the strength training to work on my flabby skin and getting things toned up. So I'm sure this will change what I do slightly.
Next time I will focus more on the "diet" portion of my life now, and how that has changed pretty drastically from how I used to feel about eating. I definitely don't feel like I'm on a diet, which is something I'm still adjusting to as the weight continues to come off.
Hope all my readers had a great weekend, and as always, thanks for taking the time to read! :)
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
The Turn-Around
This post I am going to focus on how things started to change, and my first "success" at weight loss. This is going to be a longer post, and I apologize. But after this the back story will be complete and the posts that follow will be shorter... :) I promise!
In the Fall of 2008 I was living out in Minnesota, going to law school, and had really not done any type of exercise in months. Around Halloween, my mom sent me a care package and tucked inside was a small book that had been my Grandmother's at some point. It was called the Carbohydrate Addicts Diet - by Drs Rachael and Richard Heller. At first I was annoyed that she would send me yet another weight loss book, but I figured I loved my carbs and maybe the book would have something to offer.
I stayed up and read the ENTIRE book in one night. I wasn't planning on it, but as I started reading it, it kept saying to me "THIS BOOK WAS WRITTEN FOR YOU!". And I couldn't put it down.
The basic premise is that some bodies process carbs differently, and you can control/fix it by arranging how/when you eat carbs. Basic plan is to eat no carbs and no sugars at breakfast or lunch, no snacking, and then dinner you can eat carbs and pretty much as much as you want, as long as you keep your dinner time to under 60 minutes. It sounds kooky, but I figured what the hell. I had done Atkins/South Beach, I could go no carb again, and the idea of being able to eat bread, potatoes or pasta at dinner excited me.
I lost 17 pounds between Halloween and finals. It was the most I had ever lost in any of my attempts. I was sold on the program and had pretty good success following it and not cheating. (Hey, no one is perfect)
My grandmother passed away that December, and I went home for break, and that is when things started to fall apart. I was not really happy in Minnesota, was depressed and grieving the loss of my Gram, and dreading pretty much everything. Needless to say worrying about what I was eating and planning out my meals went out the window. I put all the weight I had lost back on, and then some. And then I got a phone call....
I received a job offer from the Department of Veterans Affairs the week before I was supposed to fly back to law school. I turned it down at first, but a few weeks into being back in Minnesota I decided to take the offer. So my parents came and packed me up and back east I moved. When I started at the VA in March 2009, I went back on Carb Addicts and lost around 10 pounds. That July I started to go walking at night around my neighborhood, and kept that routine going most of the summer. By a friends wedding in August I was down about 20 pounds and was feeling really good.
In September of 2009, I was sitting outside the VA on break with some co-workers, 2 of whom were talking about the multiple gyms they go to, and different workouts they do. And I remember thinking to myself that if these girls can have multiple gym memberships, then I could have ONE.
Now, here is where I really am lucky. The VA has a fitness center on site, and it was $20 for a LIFETIME membership (as long as I'm working there, anyway). So I went down and signed up. At first, I was afraid to do anything but the recumbent bike. But I did it every day. Religiously. And I felt great. I had never gone to the gym so consistently ever. October 2009 my name made it onto the bulletin board of "15 a month" - the names of the members who came 15 times the previous month! I honestly had never been more proud of myself.
Around Christmas I started working with the 2 girls that work at the fitness center on different workout programs, and also an eating plan. Turns out on the Carb Addicts plan I was eating somewhere between 700-900 calories a day. Which, turns out, is BAD. Really, really BAD. So we started to work on that, and also increasing my workouts. Sure enough, the weight started to melt off. So much so that by Thanksgiving when my family came to see me, they were suprised at how "thin" I had gotten! It was a great feeling.
This is the plan that I follow still almost a year later... I go to the gym at work every day. And I keep a food journal of what I eat, and make sure I stay as close to my target calorie intake as possible (right now about 1800 a day with my workout schedule). I also use a pedometer daily, and wear a heart rate monitor. But these are gadgets and tools I will discuss in a later post.
Next week expect a post about the first time I ran, and the different tools I use to help keep myself on track.
As always, thanks for reading! :)
In the Fall of 2008 I was living out in Minnesota, going to law school, and had really not done any type of exercise in months. Around Halloween, my mom sent me a care package and tucked inside was a small book that had been my Grandmother's at some point. It was called the Carbohydrate Addicts Diet - by Drs Rachael and Richard Heller. At first I was annoyed that she would send me yet another weight loss book, but I figured I loved my carbs and maybe the book would have something to offer.
I stayed up and read the ENTIRE book in one night. I wasn't planning on it, but as I started reading it, it kept saying to me "THIS BOOK WAS WRITTEN FOR YOU!". And I couldn't put it down.
The basic premise is that some bodies process carbs differently, and you can control/fix it by arranging how/when you eat carbs. Basic plan is to eat no carbs and no sugars at breakfast or lunch, no snacking, and then dinner you can eat carbs and pretty much as much as you want, as long as you keep your dinner time to under 60 minutes. It sounds kooky, but I figured what the hell. I had done Atkins/South Beach, I could go no carb again, and the idea of being able to eat bread, potatoes or pasta at dinner excited me.
I lost 17 pounds between Halloween and finals. It was the most I had ever lost in any of my attempts. I was sold on the program and had pretty good success following it and not cheating. (Hey, no one is perfect)
My grandmother passed away that December, and I went home for break, and that is when things started to fall apart. I was not really happy in Minnesota, was depressed and grieving the loss of my Gram, and dreading pretty much everything. Needless to say worrying about what I was eating and planning out my meals went out the window. I put all the weight I had lost back on, and then some. And then I got a phone call....
I received a job offer from the Department of Veterans Affairs the week before I was supposed to fly back to law school. I turned it down at first, but a few weeks into being back in Minnesota I decided to take the offer. So my parents came and packed me up and back east I moved. When I started at the VA in March 2009, I went back on Carb Addicts and lost around 10 pounds. That July I started to go walking at night around my neighborhood, and kept that routine going most of the summer. By a friends wedding in August I was down about 20 pounds and was feeling really good.
In September of 2009, I was sitting outside the VA on break with some co-workers, 2 of whom were talking about the multiple gyms they go to, and different workouts they do. And I remember thinking to myself that if these girls can have multiple gym memberships, then I could have ONE.
Now, here is where I really am lucky. The VA has a fitness center on site, and it was $20 for a LIFETIME membership (as long as I'm working there, anyway). So I went down and signed up. At first, I was afraid to do anything but the recumbent bike. But I did it every day. Religiously. And I felt great. I had never gone to the gym so consistently ever. October 2009 my name made it onto the bulletin board of "15 a month" - the names of the members who came 15 times the previous month! I honestly had never been more proud of myself.
Around Christmas I started working with the 2 girls that work at the fitness center on different workout programs, and also an eating plan. Turns out on the Carb Addicts plan I was eating somewhere between 700-900 calories a day. Which, turns out, is BAD. Really, really BAD. So we started to work on that, and also increasing my workouts. Sure enough, the weight started to melt off. So much so that by Thanksgiving when my family came to see me, they were suprised at how "thin" I had gotten! It was a great feeling.
This is the plan that I follow still almost a year later... I go to the gym at work every day. And I keep a food journal of what I eat, and make sure I stay as close to my target calorie intake as possible (right now about 1800 a day with my workout schedule). I also use a pedometer daily, and wear a heart rate monitor. But these are gadgets and tools I will discuss in a later post.
Next week expect a post about the first time I ran, and the different tools I use to help keep myself on track.
As always, thanks for reading! :)
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Milestone! :)
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| Saturday, August 7th at 5:16 am |
I barely squeeked it in under the line, but I still have 6 days until my birthday to make sure I stay under to meet my original goal. On 4th of July weekend last year (2009) I set the goal that I would be under 200lbs by my 25th birthday. The incentive being that if I accomplished the goal, I would get my next tattoo.
I guess now its time to start planning my next trip to get ink done!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Many Thanks
Thanks to everyone who has checked out my blog so far. Your support and kindness mean a lot to me. I may be updating more frequently for now, but hope to keep it to weekly posts. Feel free to leave me comments or questions... I'll do my best to answer honestly and openly. :)
Thanks again!
Thanks again!
Monday, August 2, 2010
Like Any Good Roller Coaster, There are Ups and Downs, Twists and Turns
I wasn't born fat, and I didn't magically get fat overnight. In turn, I also didn't start losing weight in one magical day either. It has been, like for most people, a lifetime struggle.
There were, at first, the usual pokes and prods from my parents, gym teachers, doctors, to move more, eat less. Simple enough. I would try, I would cheat, I would fail, I would retreat. Through high school this was a pretty standard cycle for me. I would try walking with mom, would last one or two laps around the track, feign an injury, a pain, anything, to stop. But I would never go back and finish.
My Junior year of high school, I was 16. My mom and I joined weight watchers. Anyone who knows me knows that I love having a plan. Whether someone gives me a plan to follow, or I make it for myself. I love having a plan and being organized. So I figured WW would be the golden solution I had been longing for. I would follow the plan, go to meetings, get lots of support, and become a success story. When in reality, I (most of the time) followed the plan, (sometimes) went to meetings, still got lots of support, but considered myself yet again a failure. My mom had great success on the program, and I gained weight. The "pressure" I thought I felt of being judged by others waiting in line to weigh in made me even more uncomfortable.
As a Senior, my mom and I joined Curves. Yet again, I became foolishly optomistic that THIS would be my miracle fix. I would work out 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week, watch what I ate, get weighed and measured monthly, and become a success. I started strong, I was gung ho about making my workouts. After a while, I started to lose that motivation. Instead of pushing onward, I started to babysit for the owner, and eventually stopped working out altogether and started working as a part time assistant for Curves. Neither the workout nor the job was a success.
After I graduated high school I decided to try the South Beach Diet. Low/no carbs, low/no sugar, high fat and protein. The first month was great. It was the first time I felt like I was winning a losing battle. I lost about 10-15lbs and felt pretty happy with how things were going. The problem was I would be leaving for college at the end of the summer, and maintaining a limiting food diet as a Freshman on a college campus seemed overwhelming to say the least. I lasted about 2 weeks before the never ending buffet that is college eating took its hold on me, and South Beach became a "I almost succeeded" story of my past.
As I worked my way through college I became involved in numerous extra curricular groups. These allowed me to meet new people, travel, and of course, eat. Pizza at Poli Sci meetings, Pizza with forensics, Drinks with friends. It never stopped, and I didn't feel a need to control it.
My freshman year I didn't gain much weight, to my surprise. But living on campus, with no car, at a University built into the side of a really big hill meant I walked and got more exercise than I realized. As I got further along, I got more rides, got my own car, and the more we ate out, got take out, and drank.
I took pilates my Sophomore year at Bloom, that lasted about a month. My Senior year I had to tackle what I had been putting off my whole time there, gym credits. To graduate I would need 2 gym classes. I was TERRIFIED. How was I going to get out of this? I was petrified of making an ass out of myself, I wasn't so in the clouds that I didn't realize how out of shape I was. I ended up taking Volleyball (Think: Daria) and Folk Dance, which I actually ended up really enjoying.
I signed up to do a breast cancer 5k with my roommates my senior year. I was 21 years old, and I quit halfway through and went home. And we were WALKING. Which is what makes the fact that I can now RUN a 5K in 31 minutes pretty shocking, especially to myself.
My doctors of course pushed me even harder as the weight kept piling on. My GP even suggested I quit my job at the Car Dealership to work road construction, just to get me on my feet and off my ass! My ObGyn had me trying different medications, and I was pushing him for some wonder drug that would fix what was "wrong" with me. It got to the point where they even suggested I start considering Gastric Bypass.
I could list a thousand reasons or more as to why none of the attempts I made to lose the weight worked. My mother, god bless her, has been a constant positive force. Always offering ideas and suggestions in a way that left me secretly embarrassed that I couldn't be a success for her (or for myself), but still letting me know that she would always be there to push me. Looking back now, all I can think is that it just wasn't the right time, and I wasn't ready to make that change for myself.
I had enough other insecurity and low self esteem issues that keeping the weight on was just another layer I could use to keep people away. No one would notice me, therefore no one could hurt me.
I've made this one pretty long and opened up some pretty old wounds. The next post I will talk about the first real "success" I had on a weight loss program (The Carb Addicts Diet) and how that led me down the path to the healthy lifestyle I am leading today.
As always, thanks for reading!
There were, at first, the usual pokes and prods from my parents, gym teachers, doctors, to move more, eat less. Simple enough. I would try, I would cheat, I would fail, I would retreat. Through high school this was a pretty standard cycle for me. I would try walking with mom, would last one or two laps around the track, feign an injury, a pain, anything, to stop. But I would never go back and finish.
My Junior year of high school, I was 16. My mom and I joined weight watchers. Anyone who knows me knows that I love having a plan. Whether someone gives me a plan to follow, or I make it for myself. I love having a plan and being organized. So I figured WW would be the golden solution I had been longing for. I would follow the plan, go to meetings, get lots of support, and become a success story. When in reality, I (most of the time) followed the plan, (sometimes) went to meetings, still got lots of support, but considered myself yet again a failure. My mom had great success on the program, and I gained weight. The "pressure" I thought I felt of being judged by others waiting in line to weigh in made me even more uncomfortable.
As a Senior, my mom and I joined Curves. Yet again, I became foolishly optomistic that THIS would be my miracle fix. I would work out 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week, watch what I ate, get weighed and measured monthly, and become a success. I started strong, I was gung ho about making my workouts. After a while, I started to lose that motivation. Instead of pushing onward, I started to babysit for the owner, and eventually stopped working out altogether and started working as a part time assistant for Curves. Neither the workout nor the job was a success.
After I graduated high school I decided to try the South Beach Diet. Low/no carbs, low/no sugar, high fat and protein. The first month was great. It was the first time I felt like I was winning a losing battle. I lost about 10-15lbs and felt pretty happy with how things were going. The problem was I would be leaving for college at the end of the summer, and maintaining a limiting food diet as a Freshman on a college campus seemed overwhelming to say the least. I lasted about 2 weeks before the never ending buffet that is college eating took its hold on me, and South Beach became a "I almost succeeded" story of my past.
As I worked my way through college I became involved in numerous extra curricular groups. These allowed me to meet new people, travel, and of course, eat. Pizza at Poli Sci meetings, Pizza with forensics, Drinks with friends. It never stopped, and I didn't feel a need to control it.
My freshman year I didn't gain much weight, to my surprise. But living on campus, with no car, at a University built into the side of a really big hill meant I walked and got more exercise than I realized. As I got further along, I got more rides, got my own car, and the more we ate out, got take out, and drank.
I took pilates my Sophomore year at Bloom, that lasted about a month. My Senior year I had to tackle what I had been putting off my whole time there, gym credits. To graduate I would need 2 gym classes. I was TERRIFIED. How was I going to get out of this? I was petrified of making an ass out of myself, I wasn't so in the clouds that I didn't realize how out of shape I was. I ended up taking Volleyball (Think: Daria) and Folk Dance, which I actually ended up really enjoying.
I signed up to do a breast cancer 5k with my roommates my senior year. I was 21 years old, and I quit halfway through and went home. And we were WALKING. Which is what makes the fact that I can now RUN a 5K in 31 minutes pretty shocking, especially to myself.
My doctors of course pushed me even harder as the weight kept piling on. My GP even suggested I quit my job at the Car Dealership to work road construction, just to get me on my feet and off my ass! My ObGyn had me trying different medications, and I was pushing him for some wonder drug that would fix what was "wrong" with me. It got to the point where they even suggested I start considering Gastric Bypass.
I could list a thousand reasons or more as to why none of the attempts I made to lose the weight worked. My mother, god bless her, has been a constant positive force. Always offering ideas and suggestions in a way that left me secretly embarrassed that I couldn't be a success for her (or for myself), but still letting me know that she would always be there to push me. Looking back now, all I can think is that it just wasn't the right time, and I wasn't ready to make that change for myself.
I had enough other insecurity and low self esteem issues that keeping the weight on was just another layer I could use to keep people away. No one would notice me, therefore no one could hurt me.
I've made this one pretty long and opened up some pretty old wounds. The next post I will talk about the first real "success" I had on a weight loss program (The Carb Addicts Diet) and how that led me down the path to the healthy lifestyle I am leading today.
As always, thanks for reading!
Friday, July 30, 2010
Pictures: Before and (almost) After
Since I am putting some of my most personal and embarrassing struggles on the internet, I suppose some pictures would help for those who find me long winded and just want to see my progress so far.....
So there you have it.... A brief snapshot into the past 5 years of my life. Now, to be fair, I tried to pick the most UN-flattering photos of myself I could find. So take it easy on the judgement! ;)
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| My awesome family: Ryan, Dad, Mom, Alaina and Me, Aug. 2005 |
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| Me and Lainey, Christmas 2006 |
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| Me and a friend from the PoliSci Dept. the night before Graduation (May 2007) |
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| Me and my Grandma, Spring 2008 |
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| Some girlfriends from Minnesota, Feb. 2009 |
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| My best friend Ashley and I as bridesmaids, August 2009 |
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| My friend Megan and I at her Wedding, October 2009 |
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| In Washington D.C., March 2010 |
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| Most recent photo, June 2010. Just past halfway to my goal. |
So there you have it.... A brief snapshot into the past 5 years of my life. Now, to be fair, I tried to pick the most UN-flattering photos of myself I could find. So take it easy on the judgement! ;)
Prologue
Every story has a beginning. I'll try to keep the back story brief, but to truly understand how I got to where I am now, where I came from needs to be addressed.
My story as it pertains to the purpose of this blog I suppose starts where most others do, in middle school. Middle school and high school were a horrible time for me. I felt like I didn't fit in, was mercilessly teased and harassed, and endured some pretty shitty treatment by classmates. Besides the usual reasons for this treatment, my weight did play a factor. Looking back now I realize I wasn't as big as I thought I was (or would eventually become).
I was NOT active in high school. At all. I did everything humanly possible to avoid gym class, or any other activities that required movement or sweating. I was a member of the Pom-Pon squad my last 2 years, but somehow the dance routines never really felt like exercise.
I ate relatively healthy, a habit enforced mainly by my mother. We were not a junk food house. Soda was rarely in our fridge and any cereal that sounded good to kids was not in our cabinets.
I graduated from high school at 205lbs and the summer after graduating high school I headed off to Bloomsburg University in Pennsylvania.
College was amazing. I would do anything to go back and do it again. I made great friends, had great experiences, and also found that eating, cooking and living on my own were not quite as easy as I had always thought it would be.
As I got farther along in my college career I abandoned the cafeteria for fast food with friends, started to drink on a more regular basis, and continued to avoid working out with fervor. I did not mind walking, and did that on a not-quite semi-regular basis. But it was not enough to counteract the crap I was stuffing into my body.
Fast-forwarding to the really embarassing part. I graduated college at 250lbs. Two Hundred and Fifty. Its embarassing, shocking, frightening, and a host of other negative emotions to type that number.
They say hind-sight is 20-20. I can easily pinpoint where things started to go wrong, and how easily it would have been to correct them and stop the spiral I had put myself on. However, that is not what happened, and that is how I ended up where I am today. 59 and a half pounds lighter than I was at my heaviest. My goal is to continue with my weight loss and eventually hit my goal weight of 160lbs.
In the next post I'll be talking about the various treatments, methods, and programs I tried to take the weight off without much success.
Thanks for reading!
My story as it pertains to the purpose of this blog I suppose starts where most others do, in middle school. Middle school and high school were a horrible time for me. I felt like I didn't fit in, was mercilessly teased and harassed, and endured some pretty shitty treatment by classmates. Besides the usual reasons for this treatment, my weight did play a factor. Looking back now I realize I wasn't as big as I thought I was (or would eventually become).
I was NOT active in high school. At all. I did everything humanly possible to avoid gym class, or any other activities that required movement or sweating. I was a member of the Pom-Pon squad my last 2 years, but somehow the dance routines never really felt like exercise.
I ate relatively healthy, a habit enforced mainly by my mother. We were not a junk food house. Soda was rarely in our fridge and any cereal that sounded good to kids was not in our cabinets.
I graduated from high school at 205lbs and the summer after graduating high school I headed off to Bloomsburg University in Pennsylvania.
College was amazing. I would do anything to go back and do it again. I made great friends, had great experiences, and also found that eating, cooking and living on my own were not quite as easy as I had always thought it would be.
As I got farther along in my college career I abandoned the cafeteria for fast food with friends, started to drink on a more regular basis, and continued to avoid working out with fervor. I did not mind walking, and did that on a not-quite semi-regular basis. But it was not enough to counteract the crap I was stuffing into my body.
Fast-forwarding to the really embarassing part. I graduated college at 250lbs. Two Hundred and Fifty. Its embarassing, shocking, frightening, and a host of other negative emotions to type that number.
They say hind-sight is 20-20. I can easily pinpoint where things started to go wrong, and how easily it would have been to correct them and stop the spiral I had put myself on. However, that is not what happened, and that is how I ended up where I am today. 59 and a half pounds lighter than I was at my heaviest. My goal is to continue with my weight loss and eventually hit my goal weight of 160lbs.
In the next post I'll be talking about the various treatments, methods, and programs I tried to take the weight off without much success.
Thanks for reading!
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